Never Lost but Hard to Find
ISLAMABAD (The Borowitz Report)—Negotiations between Iran and the US collapsed over the weekend after Vice President JD Vance scolded the Iranians, “President Trump has made you rich off the Strait of Hormuz and you haven’t said ‘thank you’ once.” “The president has spent billions of US taxpayers’ money over the past six weeks,” Vance said.…
You hear all kinds of cliched words when you’re grieving. A lot makes sense, a lot doesn’t matter. It’s been several weeks since my little girl left. I know she’s happy and out of pain but my soul has been vacant. Un-motivated except for riding, I guess time will take care of the rest. I…
It’s my understanding the new Trump Presidential Library will have a complete archive of children’s picture books, a complete collection of Disney coloring books and every known issue of Sunday newspaper comics.
Those are the last words I said to my darling little companion. Annabelle Phainopepla Ferchaud has trotted off to the Rainbow Bridge. There are playmates waiting for her and she’ll chase three legged squirrels all day until I meet back up with her.
ISLAMABAD (The Borowitz Report)—Negotiations between Iran and the US collapsed over the weekend after Vice President JD Vance scolded the Iranians, “President Trump has made you rich off the Strait of Hormuz and you haven’t said ‘thank you’ once.” “The…
You hear all kinds of cliched words when you’re grieving. A lot makes sense, a lot doesn’t matter. It’s been several weeks since my little girl left. I know she’s happy and out of pain but my soul has been…
It’s my understanding the new Trump Presidential Library will have a complete archive of children’s picture books, a complete collection of Disney coloring books and every known issue of Sunday newspaper comics.
Those are the last words I said to my darling little companion. Annabelle Phainopepla Ferchaud has trotted off to the Rainbow Bridge. There are playmates waiting for her and she’ll chase three legged squirrels all day until I meet back…
President Trump said “a president should not have learning disabilities,” But what about fat, illiterate morons who are already President?
I can’t count the ways that I’m glad I’m not a Kardashian. I don’t have to carry around the largest slab of glass and titanium in my hand all the time because my clothes are so tight there’s no room…
The love of my life is fading in front of me. 13 years ago a beautiful spaniel mix came into my life. She has traveled well over 100,000 miles with me, seen 45 states and 5 Provinces; a lot of…
Make America Measley Again Take that either way
Environmental Pollution Agency Just like everything else the current administration touches, it turns to shit.
Kinda sounds the same
Come to Minnesota in the winter and try and pick a fight. Good luck fuckers. It is truly tragic that two martyrs had to give their lives for such a senseless situation. War ain’t easy and it ain’t fair but…
Damn….we all wanted so much for the gal. Her team mate Breezy Johnson kept it real for the Americans. The coverage of the downhill skiing is remarkable. The following drone footage and the fact that some of the girls were…
It seems that Neti Pots are making a comeback. Here’s a little ditty I wrote years ago: https://cutsoutside.com/2011/12/26/neti-dread-pots/
My earlier years in Minnesota showed me how stalwart and resourceful you have to be when the high temperature that particular day might be single digits…..for weeks. I enjoyed my time there and really appreciated the midwestern ethos. Scandahoovian all…
ICEholes everywhere. Be safe out there.
Minnesota has long held tradition with Finland, Sweden, Norway and Denmark. Many Minnesotans trace their roots there. Look in any phone book and a plethora of “Scandahoovian” names will jump out. “Never has there been a time more relevant than…
Trump declares war on anyone who doesn’t like the taste of his dick.
Okay. I need to step in here. Even if just for my own sanity. I agree that if a person is in this country illegally, abusing a very generous social system, then they need to be scraped off the plate…
“Everything is fucked, Walter”
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to be declared an honorary virus For his tireless work promoting the cause of children’s diseases, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is being inducted into the Virus Hall of Fame today. The ceremony will feature light roadkill…
That coincides with the horses asses we have running the place.
Some places just stand out. Some places are never forgotten. Some places are blessed and me to be near them. Some places are, well…… Special
To paraphrase Dr. Seuss The Things That We Have Done And The Things That We Have Seen Happy Old Year Everyone
Everyone
I’ve got this running joke with friends that entails adding the word ‘anal’ in front of any large RV name. It’s hysterical how well it plays out most of the time. So, I’ve got a new one. Let’s pretend that…
Rob Reiner and his wife were apparently stabbed to death yesterday by their son, although the facts are not in yet. Here’s what the Abominator-in-Chief wrote: “Rob Reiner, a tortured and struggling, but once very talented movie director and comedy…
In these days of E, I’ve become re-enamored with my Singlespeed mountain bike so I’m gonna be lazy and repost an old but cherished post. My winter home is an homage to singlespeeding and I couldn’t be happier. Miles of…
Honestly, this year the list should be twice as long. There’s a waiting list as well. It’s been an amazing year for assholes and douchebags. Where to start because there will never be an end: #10: Texting drivers have moved…
So Apple started selling these new iPhone carriers…… Reminds me of something else.
“This was NOT my idea. Speak to the human.”
Enshitification. Sounds like Latin for US Federal Government.
“Am not“ “Am so”
There is no question that Jane Goodall’s tireless life of work for the environment in general and primates in particular as they relate to humans will last forever. Her studies of lower primates and their relationship to higher primates was…
The acronym JRA has been around the cycling world for decades. Just Riding Along can mean any number of things: a pleasant mindless spin, a ride that doesn’t mean anything at all, minding your own business until something comes along……
With all the idiotic back forth between Disney and President Trump. It’s good to know they have one thing in common.
We’re beginning the best time of year to be outside. Bike tires on dry leaves. Cooler temps. More stable weather patterns. And best of all; the return of the Crack of Noon Club. I’m a charter member and so look…
Jimmy Kimmel just got pulled off the air by ABC after a threat from the FCC chairman who was hired by, guess who. Kimmel’s original comments were as follows: “We hit some new lows over the weekend with the MAGA…
I love watching the cycling Grand Tours. The Giro, La Tour and The Veulta. The modern camera coverage is spectacular. It’s an incredible way to see a country from High Def helicopter cameras. The flow of a professional peloton from…
Here’s a quote from Charlie Kirk’s speech in 2023. “ A few gun deaths every year are an acceptable price to pay for the right to own guns.”
Read just about any outdoor rescue report and you’ll find that the subjects of the rescue were quite likely males in their twenties. “Young, dumb and stupid as fuck. I read an article this morning about four 20 year old…
Tune into South Park’s current season to see if…. JD Vance is truly Satan’s butt baby.
The amygdala is a small part of the central brain used for a number of things. Memories, decision making and the fight-or-flight response. It’s bean sized in most brains. Probably BB sized in mine. There is talk of snow later…
If you’ve seen the end of the new Mission Impossible movie, you now know what was in Marcel Wallace’s briefcase in “Pulp Fiction” Think about it. Marcel Wallace was played by Ving Rhames. Luther Stickell in Mission Impossible was played…
Yea. I didn’t want to believe it either but it appears that the guys have gotten their sensitive tissues involved in Botox. It sounds nuts but guys are Botoxing their nethers. To what end, I don’t want to imagine. I…
A new report from the White House states that Trump has Chronic Venous Insufficiency. Or was that Penis. I can’t remember.
This was too good to pass up. White House to limit intelligence sharing with Congress….. https://apple.news/AhpCUiq8_Q_CJR0SIcQ3RRw
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s long-wished-for military parade was abruptly canceled on Saturday after it emerged that Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth had inadvertently invited the Houthi rebels. Though Hegseth defiantly told reporters, “I did not text parade plans,” a…
A federal court on Wednesday ruled President Trump does not have the authority under economic emergency legislation to impose sweeping global tariffs. Why it matters: The U.S. Court of International Trade’s ruling could bring the administration’s trade war to a…
This is an excerpt from an Atlantic article. WOW. The company he keeps: White House staffers, it seems, had better hope that they stay in Laura Loomer’s good graces. This week, Loomer—a far-right provocateur who has described herself as “pro–white…
Ok. So let’s start by broadcasting top secret war plans on social media. Then let’s blame social media for broadcasting those plans. Then let’s scurry about and pretend it didn’t really happen. Oops….too late.
I saw that Elonia Muskovite is headed to the Pentagon for meetings. I’m sure he believes he’ll be the smartest one in the room but does he realize that everyone else in the room has been trained to kill?
The best defense against self-serving moronic assholes who control things is to push back. It seems that has started to happen. Mr and Mrs Vice Asshole got booed at the Kennedy Center last night. How often does that happen?
Make America Smart Again
It seems the Muskovites have been hard at work. 21 of their own employees don’t work there anymore and they didn’t have to harass them with buttmail either. They quit. Hopefully they’ll go before Congress and explain what a spine…
Yesterday I wrote about NFGs and how I felt about current events. One thing I failed to mention is with all the federal employee firings, there’s a new executive branch of the government with the same initials.
One of the references in Bill Wilson’s twelve steps for alcoholics is often quoted about; “changing the things we can change and accepting those we cannot”. Sound words for life in general. Experiences over the years have created a great…
I felt it was time I reposted this one from several years ago. Fine Art.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s tariff on imported aluminum would result in a major price increase for Marjorie Taylor’s hat, the Georgia congresswoman said on Tuesday. “When I learned that President Trump was slapping a tariff on aluminum, I…
Was born this day in 1927. That would have made him 98 years old had he not been an alcoholic. It seems most good writers had some kind of substance abuse problem. Maybe that’s how you wade deep into the…
When I saw this headline, I thought they were talking about a certain newly elected official. Turns out the article was a scientific one about comb jellies and ancient digestive tracts. On second thought, maybe I wasn’t that far off.
I’m with Michelle Obama. Why sit around with all the other cud chewing cows and watch The Felonius Rapist become The Orangutan-In-Chief. I’m sure my socks need folding.
“It is our lot in life, as the rich and powerful, to make sure others suffer so that we may not.” Cried King Donald. “Afterall, it’s the morons that elected me.”
HEAVEN (The Borowitz Report)—In a wide-ranging interview on Thursday, former President Jimmy Carter said that the best part of Heaven “by far” is the knowledge that he will never see Donald J. Trump again. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m very…
So…Elon Musk marries Donald Trump, which is happening as I write, becoming The Mump. Appropriate. A long time infectious disease, The Mumps, starts to get confused. Let’s sort this out, shall we: Both are, well, infectious diseases caused by a…
Defending the H-1B visa program, Elon Musk said on Monday that working for him “is a job no American would want.” “There is this myth that workers on H-1B visas will be taking away jobs from Americans,” he said. “The…
I used to be way into photography. I had a nice Olympus SLR and a number of lenses. I used to drag that shit everywhere, including the length of the AT, in the winter. I had a great library of…
4th Century BC. That’s long before the wise men, Jesus or anybody like that. The Druids started second guessing nature, themselves and whatever was around them; which couldn’t have been much. Hell, Mohammad was a long way from having anything…
It’s a time of year when we should slow down and remember to say thanks… for what we have and what we don’t have. Say thanks… for who we are and who we are not. Say thanks….for where we are and…
When my sister and I were young, mom and dad used the euphemism for pooping, “Shoot a big Rabbit”. To this day I have no idea where that came from. I Googled the phrase and the closest the internet came…
Your choices may vary in order or lack of importance. Number 10: Influencers. Self promoting, self serving, self infatuated dip shits. Number 9: Texting drivers. Especially the ones that can’t drive without both hands anyway. Number 8: Clark Fuckerberg (Mark…
The term “Spanner” is a British word for wrench. Throwing a Spanner in the works is a euphemism for fucking with something. I’ve resisted for sometime now about throwing my feelings out about E Bikes. Regardless of my current feelings,…
It may be a theme song for the next few years….. “Cunts are still running the World” Jarvis Cocker
Saint Augustine
Today is World Single Speed Day. No, I didn’t make that up. I do however relish it. I’ve been singlespeeding on my bike for, well, all my life. Why I SingleSpeed is a backstory I’ve told many times. There are,…
People are worried about a pig virus these days….. They should be.
We should all have that tattooed on us at birth. Seriously. It defines a life lived. One day to the next, one year to the next. It’s how we grow, learn…..live. Life is supposed to be full of twists, turns…
Diwali: The Hindu Festival of Lights, is usually around the first of November. That corresponds with temperatures in the Southwest desert breaking from intolerable to perfect. I like perfect. Diwali or Deepavali if you have a dot on your forehead,…
I’m sorry but I have to interject here. Possibly one the dumbest phrases perpetrating the English language these days are the above words, which I will not repeat. Not only are those words stupid and redundant but they’re stupid and…
A lot of friends have asked me over the years where I got the name for my blog. A long, long time ago in a neighborhood far, far away…. I grew up in western North Carolina. The Fifties, Sixties, and…
“Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” Winnie the Pooh
Cast your votes……
I was listening to an old punk song by Suicide
“You never fight with a Pig because you both get muddy and the Pig likes it” No Clue
“To the desert go prophets and hermits; through desert go pilgrims and exiles. Here, the leaders of the great religions have sought the therapeutic and spiritual values of retreat, not to escape but to find reality.” Paul Shepard
To all you poor oppressed Jewish people: Please vote the biggest antisemite in history out of office.
If you live long and well enough, The Universe will open itself up and present a magnificent view of things. We are, however, obliged to pay attention and be willing to listen…carefully. This past year for me has been a…
“ a purulent infection at the end of a finger or toe in the area surrounding the nail.”
CutsOutside 