I’m with Michelle Obama. Why sit around with all the other cud chewing cows and watch The Felonius Rapist become The Orangutan-In-Chief. I’m sure my socks need folding.

“It is our lot in life, as the rich and powerful, to make sure others suffer so that we may not.” Cried King Donald. “Afterall, it’s the morons that elected me.”

HEAVEN (The Borowitz Report)—In a wide-ranging interview on Thursday, former President Jimmy Carter said that the best part of Heaven “by far” is the knowledge that he will never see Donald J. Trump again. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful for the gift of eternal life,” he said. “But an eternity without Trump is…

So…Elon Musk marries Donald Trump, which is happening as I write, becoming The Mump. Appropriate. A long time infectious disease, The Mumps, starts to get confused. Let’s sort this out, shall we: Both are, well, infectious diseases caused by a virus. No difference there The Mumps’ symptoms which include: can be alleviated with medication. The…