WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s tariff on imported aluminum would result in a major price increase for Marjorie Taylor’s hat, the Georgia congresswoman said on Tuesday. “When I learned that President Trump was slapping a tariff on aluminum, I felt betrayed,” Greene told reporters. “Like millions of his supporters, I depend on aluminum headgear…

Was born this day in 1927. That would have made him 98 years old had he not been an alcoholic. It seems most good writers had some kind of substance abuse problem. Maybe that’s how you wade deep into the subconscious and dig out shit. Abbey did that well. Apparently his gravestone which none is…

When I saw this headline, I thought they were talking about a certain newly elected official. Turns out the article was a scientific one about comb jellies and ancient digestive tracts. On second thought, maybe I wasn’t that far off.