The love of my life is fading in front of me. 13 years ago a beautiful spaniel mix came into my life. She has traveled well over 100,000 miles with me, seen 45 states and 5 Provinces; a lot of them numerous times. After 12 winters of running, chasing and digging in the Arizona desert, she has Valley Fever. Indigenous to the Southwest, Valley Fever is a bizarre disease that starts as a fungus found in spores of disturbed desert soil. It enters in the lungs and proceeds to attack the liver proteins and anything that resembles it. If diagnosed early enough, it can be treated but fungi; like viruses, can’t be cured only held off long enough so that the body’s own immune system can do its job. If either of those scenarios are compromised then the end is slow and hard to watch. Considerable loss of body weight due to the body’s inability to process proteins leads to a wasting effect and end times. My dear little dog is there.

Being her sole caregiver, I’m harnessed with keeping her happy and comfortable as long as I can.

Our generation is going through that with all the other aging people in our lives as well. Some more literally than others. Our family was fortunate enough that mom and dad had professional caregivers at the end. My sister and I had the easier part of just being there. The respect I have for any caregiver, professional or otherwise is immeasurable. There is an energy cost with caregiving. Some can parcel those costs better than others. But energy is spent regardless. Lots of it.

My energy costs at this point are physically minuscule. She weighs half of her healthy self so picking her up when she can’t stand or cleaning her because she can’t are minor. The emotional costs are all there. I have never, ever loved a soul like this one. Quite possibly never will again. It has taken a little while but I have resolved in myself that the energy costs are what they are. I can get those back. Teddy Roosevelt said it pretty well, “Do what you can with what you have where you are.”