It was early still and the light had a perfect fall subtleness to it. The clouds were building from the west adding to the effect. As we topped the ridge, there it was, large and looming like a full moon rising in the desert. Only it was blue. 415,000 square feet of Ikea. Let me say that again, 415,000 square feet. Lisa said that a friend of ours who is a true shopping expert became overwhelmed after a short time inside and had to leave. We were still a half mile away and I was already overwhelmed. The adjacent two-story, fully lit parking garage would make any superdome owner ecstatic. In orderly Swedish fashion the escalator whisked us up to the entrance where we were paraded like lemmings down an arrowed path through every manner of home furnishing ideas and displays. Overwhelmed is what I was on my first visit to Costco. This was beyond comprehension. To put it into perspective, the average Costco is only 140,000 square feet. Triple that. A football field is 58,000 square feet. Almost nine football fields of square footage alone. Not to mention the overall size. The Swedes have got this shit down. Once you’ve channeled Magellan and found your way through the never-ending maze of displays and accessories, you are funneled out into the warehouse that has, I shit you not, a 100 foot ceiling full of ready-to-assemble flat furniture boxes stacked in 40-50 rows floor to ceiling high. I needed a hand to hold onto. We managed to escape with a mere $200 worth of accessories. As we reached the checkout lanes, the clerk asked if this was our first time here. Obviously he didn’t see the deer-in-the-headlight expression on my face. As we pushed our cart out to the specialized escalator, magnets in the wheels of the cart automatically locked on to the metal belt and once again whisked us and our purchases down to the fully lit parking garage where the first row is reserved for back-in parking and loading; complete with boxes of twine to tie down the unexpected melt down of your credit card. Somehow we made it out alive and intact. I realize now that Ikea is Swedish for “holy fuck!”