Boulder, where oblivion is a virtue and idiocy is considered charming; probably from years of hipster inbreeding. Boulder, where Me is a proper noun, always capitalized and usually starts and ends a sentence. Entitled hipsters come first and everyone else lines up at Whole Foods behind them. No one ever appears to be busy enough. Pedestrians usually have the right of way except in front of a Prius.

Don’t get me wrong, people in Boulder are very nice…Irritatingly so.

And remember, Boulder will always be gluten free, grass fed, free-range, shade grown and well caffeinated. I mean, where else can you buy House smoked Berkshire pork nitro beer bacon? Really.