This is an article from Adventure Journal:
Certain things make sense to everyone whether they love the outdoors or not: The summit of Mount Rainier. Running a marathon. Bicycle races. Certain other things do not, and sometimes only your friends who do the same things you do — climbing, biking, yoga — can understand the nuances, or even the point of those things. And they’re really hard to explain to someone like your grandmother, who might talk something like my grandmother. Who I imagined saying most of the stuff on this list:
1. Concept: Fixed Gear Bikes
What You Say: You don’t have any brakes, and there’s no coasting. When the wheel moves, the pedals move. It’s a more pure connection to the ground when you’re riding.
What Your Grandmother Says: Why wouldn’t you want to have brakes? Or coast? Sounds like a great way to connect with the ground. Or a god damn bus.
2. Concept: Crossfit
What You Say: It’s a strength and conditioning system based on natural, primal movements — pushing, pulling, climbing, running, throwing, things like that. We do a lot of varied workouts involving all kinds of things: jumping over walls, flipping tractor tires, kettlebells, ropes, sandbags, and dumbbells.
What Your Grandmother Says: Maybe you could bring everyone over to shovel my driveway this winter when it snows. Do you ever bale hay?
3. Concept: Telemark Skiing
What You Say: It’s like regular skiing, but your heel isn’t held in by the binding, so it results in a more artistic, soulful turn, compared to regular skiing. Some people say “Free your heel, free your mind.”
What Your Grandmother Says: So you just wanted to make skiing more of a pain in the ass than it already is? You should call your Aunt Nora to do that with you. She’s knows all about being a pain in the ass.
4. Concept: Bouldering
What You Say: It’s like rock climbing, but more difficult, smaller objectives: Harder, gymnastic moves over shorter terrain, usually on boulders instead of cliffs.
What Your Grandmother Says: So you climb the small rocks because you get too tired on the big ones?
5. Concept: Yosemite Decimal System
What You Say: The higher the number after the decimal is, the harder the climb, up until 5.10, and then after 5.10, the numbers after the decimal are divided into letters. For example, 5.10b is harder than 5.10a, and 5.12d is harder than 5.12c.
What Your Grandmother Says: I almost won the bingo tournament on Saturday night, all I needed was B16. Do you have a B16 in climbing?
6. Concept: Yoga
What You Say: It’s a practice of physical poses and postures to stretch, strengthen, and align the body. Sometimes it involves meditation, and it can be very spiritual as well.
What Your Grandmother Says: Doesn’t sound very Lutheran to me. You’re going because those girls all wear the thong-pants, aren’t you?
7. Concept: Stand-Up Paddle Boarding
What You Say: It’s kind of like a cross between kayaking and surfing. You stand up on a surfboard and paddle like in a boat.
What Your Grandmother Says: Why don’t you just get a boat? And instead of sweeping the ocean, come sweep my kitchen linoleum.
8. Concept: Hacky Sack
What You Say: You kick around a little sack with your feet and try to keep it from hitting the ground. It’s very social and makes for awesome foot-eye coordination.
What Your Grandmother Says: Your mother told me you quit smoking pot.
9. Concept: Slacklining
What You Say: Slacklining is when you tie a flat rope between two objects and walk on it like a tightrope. Sometimes people tie the rope between rock formations with big drops beneath them, or you can just tie it between two trees in a park.
What Your Grandmother Says: Did you find a job yet?
10. Concept: Slackline Yoga
What Your Grandmother Says: You did find a job! You’re in the circus!